I know we are just totally sucking as your parents right now. There is so much we don't know, that we somehow should, and emotions we infuse into your atmosphere that you should not have to accommodate. Little ones, I am sorry that I struggle so to find my way as your mother. I want to be so good, I want to be the very best mother to you. Because my mother heart just overruns... splashes, spills, bursts, containing soooo much. Love for you. I hope you feel it.
Your little minds and hearts in our care...you are both so genuine, so sensitive, I find myself wanting to have these very grown-up talks with you, to explain why I can't do this and that, why I am so tired instead of playful. To have you really understand how sorry I am that I'm learning at such a slow pace, so rough around the edges. Instead I hug you incessantly, and tickle you and whisper "I love you" and, when I should, "I'm sorry"...you seem to understand that. Someday I'll be able to fully articulate but for now, my hugs and kisses and whispers will have to do.
I hope, with all the hope that I can hope, that you both feel LOVED. Unequivocally. I pray that our love impacts you more than our ineptness and struggles. I'm praying for that love to be strong, to come through, to attach itself to your memory and be bigger than our total suckage right now.
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Please note that these are my feelings. E may not feel he sucks quite so badly --he probably doesn't, because he rocks so hard as a dad, while I struggle to be a mother. so he's not included here unless he wants to be.
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