Entropy

I used to think, okay seriously, I used to think when I saw parents with messy houses, cars, and selves that "their standards must not be very high."

Well of course now that makes me laugh.

If you don't have small children, you should know: They Destroy. Total destruction hourly. I'm unable to keep up. I, The Multitasker of the Universe (subtitle: Also a Neat Freak), cannot. keep up. That exhausted look in my eye? It's not from sleep deprivation. It's from the constant friction between my soul's desires and needs and its reality. I can't rest in chaos. Yet it is my world, it is unavoidable. I must now find ways to exist in it.

My car: pristine, organized, vacuumed. Until. Until. I had children. Now it looks almost textbook "car of a parent with small children" as if a Hollywood set designer dressed it for some parenting movie. Goldfish crackers sprinkled liberally, splatters of dried milk on seat backs, discarded Starbucks cups, random articles of kid clothing, etc. Always. If I clean it? I get one day of peace before the madness sets in again.

At some point you give in. You have to, or you'll go insane. If I live by my neat-freak tendencies, I will both go round the bend from the constant battle and I will also spend the entirety of Loo's childhood cleaning. As in, no time to relate to him except for screaming at him for creating more messes. I have to let go, or I won't be the parent I want to be.

These days I'm giving all the parents I would have judged before the benefit of the doubt. I'm willing to bet that most if not all are not messy because they want to be; they simply accept their fate, or are too tired to fight it anymore. They cannot stop the madness and they no longer try. Instead they co-exist.

That's what I'm doing anyway.

Comments

[Andy]

I could have written you post word for word. Though I've never been a neat freak per se I do like a clean well-organized house. I was just venting to my husband this morning that I feel a little like Groundhog's Day (hated that movie - can't beleive I just referred to it!) in that I wake and do the same exact cleaning routine every single morning. I vow to keep up with cleaning as we go, but keeping up with a toddler who finds much joy in mess-making seems to be a constant challenge for me.

[CityMama]

I've been thinking about this too. I am also a neat freak, the kind of person that (shudder) used to like to smell cleaning products upon walking into the house. Dishes were never left in the sink, bathrooms sparkled, beds were made every morning. CDs were alphabetized, books were sorted by the Dewey decimal system.

With one kid I could almost pull it off. With two, fugedabowdit. As soon as Bunny could crawl we traded in our fancy, custom-made, down-stuffed adult furniture for a leather couch that wouldn't get ruined if stuff spilled on it. I hate leather couches, but my children have given me no choice in the matter.

My house is fucking pig sty now. I cannot believe how far my standards have been lowered. But like you say, you do what you gotta do to stay sane.

[Deb]

Sing it sista! Thank YOU! I have 4 kids and it just ain't happenin! I so judge myself that I fall apart if anyone else ever did, but of course I won't allow anyone into my house b/c it is so trashed. You would think they could help more, but lets face it, their standards are not even close to mine. Ditto for dh....bless him for helping though!

[HeatherJ]

My husband just took the car in yesterday and had it professionally cleaned. It is so beautiful. They even cleaned the car seats, they looked new. It was like a breath of fresh air.

[heidi]

just found your blog via parenthood for beginners - and had to delurk to say i could have written this post myself - priceless!