It's been 5 weeks since I broke my foot. This injury has put a serious damper on my relationship with my toddler and dammit, I miss him.
Before I was hurt, I took him somewhere to play every day. Since the accident, I haven't been able to. He's been going out several days a week with a nanny, whom he adores and for that I'm very grateful. This kid who used to cry heart-breakingly if I left the room now leaps into her arms and waves "Bye Mama" when she comes to pick him up.
It's bittersweet for me. Mostly, I'm so glad he's developed some independence. I can send him on an outing with his nanny, or friends, or his grandparents and not worry that he's freaking on them the whole time. His comfort zone is expanding and that's good for him and good for me. But now, when he goes out, he goes without me. I'm no longer his "outing buddy" and I miss it.
I miss seeing him experience his world. I miss his antics and his discoveries and his excitements. I miss having daily stories to tell E when he comes home from work. I miss Loo.
So, even though it's not quite the same, I'm trying to spend as much time focused on him as I can here at home. He's taking the baby in stride--not really enthused, not really opposed, but there's no doubt he's noticed that Mama has that new creature with her all the time. A couple times, he's come over to hug me and has tugged at the baby as if to say "can you get rid of this, please?" and as long as the baby isn't nursing and doesn't need me, I do. I lay him down and I give Loo my attention. I cannot lift him (dr.'s orders) and that's another obstacle. I can't pull him up onto the bed with me to snuggle. All these obstacles, obstacles, obstacles...I'm just doing the best I can to work around them.
In a way, this injury has been a strange blessing. It's forced Loo to do without me, it's forced me to let others take care of him since I cannot. He's more accepting of others' attention and more trusting of my persistence when he cannot see me. (Like, he didn't even question the fact that Mama had apparently moved into the hospital. He was just all, "Hi Mama!," happy to see me when he'd come to visit, then a cheerful "Bye Mama!" when it was time to go home).
This all would have happened sooner or later. It's all part of healthy growth, his and mine. It just came sooner and in a different way than I expected, and it makes me happy and a bit wistful at the same time.